Lowest low

The past couple of months have been rough... Mainly because I'm just not happy with myself and what I'm doing, which pretty much is sleeping most of the day while the rest of the time I'm worrying about all the assignments and essays and exams etc etc. Note worrying in my head and not actually doing them til the last minute. And that creates stress, a lot of stress, that I am to be blamed for myself. Yes the workload is bigger this year but it isn't impossible to do.

I really felt it getting to me after I'd handed my diss in (4 minutes to spare til the deadline - gosh formatting took hours man). I knew I could've done so much better. I had all these ideas and thoughts in my head that I'll write about but when I finally got down to writing about them, they just seemed pointless or not worth anything to my dissertation + I had some last minute errors popping up meaning that I had more cause to panic and stress... But I did it. It was handed in on time and the next week or so Mr.Special had to endure my constant bad mood and whining and crying (true story) of how I'm even ashamed of giving that diss in coz it was just that bad... The fact that my supervisor had given me really good marks for the meetings did not help at all... I just felt that I've let myself and him down...

Things just spiralled from there really, I was in too bad of a mood to really go to my lectures unless I had to (tests in French yay). I have/had mixed emotions about all of this coming to a rapid end. On one hand yay it'll be finally over and I can relax again but on the other hand: the hell am I supposed to do now??? I haven't applied to any proper jobs and leaving Aber to get the same job somewhere else seems pointless too... So I'll stay?!?!? But in the deepest part of my heart I do not want to stay, although I do like my job and the people there + they are hinting at a chance to get more responsibility :D But in reality it'll still be the same job I'll just spend more freaking time there... 

Can I just go back to Corsica or Paris and do nothing without feeling bad about it???????

Yeah... Cool story

Ttyl ;)
Jazzz...